Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
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My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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