He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
