I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
