so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
