I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The convent might be a nice break from real life
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
