I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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