Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
