Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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