i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
