Someone shit on the floor
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
