So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
