Who did Billy Mays play for?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
