i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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