I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
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I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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