I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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