We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
