So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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