I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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