Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
