So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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