M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
