Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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