do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
