she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
