if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
