There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
