Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We left an ass print on the piano.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
