3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
