Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
