it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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