4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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