I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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