DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
