This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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