Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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