so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
