There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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