NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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