no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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