3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
