He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
