i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
