I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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