I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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