shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
