Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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