Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
