Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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