I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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