I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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