Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
