Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
