Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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