im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
