I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
