is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
