I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
why is half of my head shaved?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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