Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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