This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
