I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
