He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
