You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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