Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
