Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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