an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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