So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
